my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
