oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
