nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
