hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
