I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
