walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Farmville is her only friend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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