last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
