someone threw a dead crab at me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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