bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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