so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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