he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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