operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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