he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
