I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
