Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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