this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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