Got a toothbrush?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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