This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
