That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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