Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
