Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
