You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Who died my cat blue again?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
