Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
