i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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