i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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