Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
