This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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