R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
