Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
