I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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