if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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