Your tits are I can't wait for
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
