$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
