Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
