I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
