My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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