your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
