You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize