My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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