Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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