Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
