I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
