did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
