Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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