his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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