Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
