So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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