Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
