i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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