Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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