I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
