I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
