is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
