Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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