girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
