Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
