I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
