Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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