be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
