I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
