i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
