woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
