The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
