My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
