we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
