can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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