Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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