I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
