the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
