she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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