I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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