I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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