So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
