Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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