I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
