I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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