shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
