Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
