Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
