tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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