This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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