I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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