your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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