I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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