god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
