Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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