I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
