I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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