About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize