i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
