i just made my gag reflex go away.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
