I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
