i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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