you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
BRING THE BAGELS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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