She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
