That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
