The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm just crazy horny about you
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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