i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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