he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
