Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
