No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize